Why Are You Asking the Prospect to Get Married on the First Date? - Business LockerRoom

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By Kelly Riggs | Sales + Leadership

Apr 12

Why Are You Asking the Prospect to Get Married on the First Date?

Untrained salespeople are incredibly predictable.

Example: SalesPerson bumps into a prospect. They mention a need. What does SalesPerson do? They go immediately into a product demo. More to the point, that prospect might simply express a vague interest in the company (“So, what do you guys sell?”), and SalesPerson wants to jump right into a product presentation!

Why is it that?

Why do salespeople always want to go immediately to the product?

Simple. That’s the way they are trained. From the first day on the job the vast majority of focus is on learning the product. Don’t doubt me. If you spend two weeks learning a product, you will invariably lead with product.

There is just one tiny problem: When SalesPerson leads with a product, the focus of the conversation isn’t on the customer or the problem that needs to be solved, or the many motivations that may exist for making a decision. Every ounce of the buyer’s attention is centered on the product.

Even worse: A product demonstration that precedes (or excludes) discussions about the customer, the problem, and the motivations for buying will inevitably lead to a singular question: “How much does it cost?” And, without value on the table, there really is nothing to negotiate – except a lower price.

Nice work. You get to give away money to get a deal.

Recently, I conducted some training with a client in which we role-played a trade show scenario:

SalesPerson: “So, what brings you to the booth?”

Me: “We use something similar to what you have. But, it’s outdated and we’re seeing what’s out there.”

SalesPerson: “Great! Come on over and let me show you what we do.”

Immediately I get the product demo. No questions. No dialogue. Just PRODUCT.

But it’s only a trade show, you’re saying. People go to trade shows to learn about products, you’re saying.

And you are COMPLETELY wrong. That’s what I’m (not so subtly) saying.

This is why giveaways like custom hats, bags or stationary are so effective. Presuming you had a successful interaction with the potential customer, these things will remind them of your brand and the conversation they held with you at the trade show, as long as they have your business logo or name on. Rather than trying to force a product down their throat, you subtly remain in their thoughts.

Here is what sales experts have been saying for many years now:

Customers don’t buy products, they buy results.
Customers don’t care about your solution; they care about the problem they need to solve.
Customers don’t want to be sold, they want someone to educate them about options.

So, it is critically important to understand that your product (or service) is only a MEANS to an end. Your solution is simply a tool the customer uses to:

  1. Solve a problem
  2. Save time
  3. Save money
  4. Make things easier

So, the question is, how do you get the information you need to help with those things?

How to Build a Relationship

Imagine this brief conversation after your first date:

You: “Hey, that was fun, don’t you think?”

Them: “Yeah, it was. I enjoyed it.”

You: “Great!! Let’s get married! Will you marry me?”

asking the prospectGood luck.

I see a restraining order in your immediate future.

Of course, we can take the same scenario – same two people, same question (Will you marry me?) – and, after months of dating, it might make perfect sense to say yes, or it might be slightly faster if you were wearing something like pheromones oils on your first date to attract your date and make yourself smell irresistible.

The difference? Relationship.

You know what I see? While every salesperson will readily tell you that selling is all about “relationships,” the vast majority of the time they simply want to get married on the first date. Cut to the chase. And that is exactly what it’s like to go straight to showing a PRODUCT.

“Wanna get married?”

In the real world, a relationship starts by getting to know each other. It may proceed along with a variety of different paths, maybe fun games like sexopoly might get involved. Ultimately, every relationship is defined by one thing – trust. Yes, a lot of other factors come into play along with trust – such as love, bonding and understanding. All the roads that would culminate to wedding would have to cross these paths before they reach the destination. Yes, your wedding photographer (for instance, if you are a resident of Charlottesville, you could look up wedding photography Charlottesville and other professionals in your area), your makeup artist and all of it could mean a lot to you when you do walk down the aisle, but what about everything before and after the wedding? If there is no trust, respect and love for each other, no relationship will reach the ‘let us get married’ stage. It’s the same with me in case of products. When you jump in directly to show me a product, you’re asking me to make a decision that has not been built on trust.

So, how do I make my decision? On price. (Some of you may be tempted to make the comparison of purchasing on price rather than a relationship to other things… I’m not going there.)

So, imagine one of your customers has a need. They have a problem they desperately need to solve and they are looking for help. Or, they have a significant performance issue with the product they currently use and they are in search of alternatives. Or, quite commonly, they have a solution that actually works, and the challenge is they really don’t know what all they’ve missing by living in the last decade.

The first item of importance is to begin building up some trust.

During that process you also would like to get the prospect emotionally connected to the problem they’re trying to solve so that they WANT to see a solution that could help.

Then, and only then, should you proceed to a solution presentation.

So, I’m hoping that, by now, you understand why jumping directly to PRODUCT is a very bad idea (“Wanna get married?“). But how can you get the prospect talking about their situation without sounding exactly like a bad salesperson?

One simple technique is to use your knowledge of other customers to create a reference point for your current prospect. Like this:

SalesPerson: “So, what brings you to the booth?”

Me: “We use a product similar to yours. But, it’s outdated and we’re seeing what’s out there.”

SalesPerson: “Perfect. Thanks for stopping in. You know, my experience is that the customers we work with have been challenged with one of two different problems; sometimes both. They are either struggling with _____________, or they’re dealing with _____________. Does that sound familiar?”

Me: “Actually, it does. That second one has been a real issue recently.”

SalesPerson: “That makes sense. Tell me more; how is it impacting your day-to-day operations [or cash flow, or efficiency, or some other critical area]?

See where this is going? We can actually engage in a real, productive dialogue that provides enormous insights into the customer’s needs. And begins to build credibility, which ultimately will lead to trust if you do things right.

If you’ve been selling your product very long, you’ve probably got a decent idea of very specific problems that your current customer base has actually solved using your solution. You should always have a deep database of third-party examples (or case studies) from current clients that you can use to highlight the key issues you want to surface.

Which is more effective?

“Let me show you our product.”

— OR —

“My experience is that clients work with us because we ___________, or they are able to ______________. Let me give you an example. I was working with a client last week and we were able to help them ______________ [go from HERE to THERE]. Is there a specific challenge you’re hoping to solve?”

When you open a discovery conversation with one or two challenges that have led your best customers to work with you, you invite the prospect to compare their current situation with those very specific illustrations. You provide the prospect with some context into which they can put your company. And you start your relationship by learning about them instead of proposing matrimony.

Best of all? You don’t sound like everything other average, predictable salesperson they have to deal with.

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About the Author

Kelly Riggs is a business performance coach and founder of the Business LockerRoom. A former national Salesperson of the Year and serial entrepreneur, Kelly is a recognized thought leader in the areas of sales, management leadership, and strategic planning. He serves clients ranging from small, privately held companies to Fortune 500 firms. Kelly has written two books: “1-on-1 Management™: What Every Great Manager Knows That You Don’t” and “Quit Whining and Start SELLING! A Step-by-Step Guide to a Hall of Fame Career in Sales.”